What Do You Mean I’m a Narcissist?

A life without loveis like a year without summer.

If I say the word narcissist, what comes to your mind?  A specifically egotistical rapper, a football jock, a Plastic Surgeon, or your unseemingly wonderful but sharped tongue Aunt?

Any and all of these people can be narcissists.  A significant problem with them is they do not always know they are acting in this manner.  They can seem so reasonable, quiet and unobtrusive on the outside but could something be lurking deep within?

Narcissism is defined as self-centeredness arising from failure to distinguish the self from external objects, either in very young babies or as a feature of mental disorder.  Or extreme selfishness, with a grandiose view of one’s own talents and a craving for admiration, as characterizing a personality type.  dictionary.com

Defining narcissism is the easy part, spotting the characteristics of a narcissist can be very tricky.  Many of them are hidden gems that seem so normal until something makes them snap.  Others are very easily spotted.

Spotting Narcissists:

  1. Likable, at first glance.  Charming/charismatic
  2. Some are loud, but many are quiet/shy.
  3. Often are in leadership roles
  4. Manage to make conversations about themselves
  5. Guilty of name-dropping
  6. Storytelling of tragedies and failures always have an air of entitlement and victimization
  7. They like nice things use them to display high status
  8. Appearance is everything (not just physical, what people think about what can be seen)
  9. Strongly adverse to criticism
  10. Excuses are their best friend!
  11. Everything is personal
  12. Most times do not know they are narcissistic and if they do will not admit it
  13. You flatter the narcissist just to keep the peace
  14. Believe they have high self-esteem and no deep-seated insecurities, in theory usually have low self-esteem
  15. Put others on a pedestal, and are then highly critical of them
  16. Manipulative
  17. Change the facts to suit their needs
  18. Can empathize contrary to popular belief.  However, they can turn their empathy off if will impact them in some way.

As you can see from the eighteen above signs, narcissists are everywhere and so plainly hidden.  I find that I have tendencies that I need to work on and watch.  But we learn what we live and live what we learn.  I am just trying to admit and deal with it! 🙂

Vulnerable narcissists (VN) are the hardest to spot.  They are masked as normal, helpless, sensitive and caring people.  They are our friends, Aunts, Mothers, Cousins, etc…  The VN cares for us and loves us but has not been given all the “goods” to make them whole and completely functioning humans.

Many of them have been abused physically, emotionally, even sexually.  And many of them just have issues like everyone else.  Bad childhoods, broken homes, fighting parents, poverty…Something I have found in my personal mental health journey is that there is a stigma about getting help, especially with our older population.

It is sad that there is a stigma for getting the help of any kind in 2018.  But it is still out there.  We need to be open and understanding about these things, not judgemental and disengaged.  Narcissists most time do not know they are that way and most certainly will not admit they are one.

I am just starting to scratch the surface of Narcissism within my own journey.  As I learn new things, read new books and do more therapy I will expand on this topic.  For today, I wanted to scratch the surface of what Narcissism is and how better to spot the hidden signs within your lives.

Until next time.  You are NOT alone.  –Jenn


Empathy, Sympathy and being an Empath

Empathy_ A being aware of and sharing another person's feelings, experiences, and emotions. Merriam-Webster.comSympathy_The actcapacity for sharing the feelings or interests of anothe

Most people in this world can sympathize with others by feeling compassion, sorrow or pity for hardships in life.  Empathizing takes more work and inner reflection. To be empathetic, one must put themselves entirely in another’s shoes.

Okay, now that we’ve cleared that up.  Do you ever find yourself feeling things that might not be yours?  Your day starts off great and later you are in a bad mood, but nothing happened to change it.  You are in a room full of people and start feeling nervous, angry, feelings that are not your own?

You could be absorbing the energies of the world and others around you.   You are not supposed to absorb their problems, you are just supposed to put yourself in their shoes. Over-empathizing much or is it something more?

I do this quite often.  In reading and talking to people around me, I am finding that I am an Empath, not just sympathetic and empathetic person.

Dont' mistake my highly sensitive bad asssparkly cosmic intuitive awesomenessfor some kind of weaknessof low self-esteem issue.I'm an Empath!

Jenn, you are so full of it!  Empath!? No seriously, we are out there.  I am not a magical unicorn or a wizard. 😉   But because of my sensitivity and observation, I quite often feel things that I have realized are not mine to feel!!

Empaths are usually:

  • highly sensitive
  • absorb other people’s emotions
  • introverted (become overwhelmed in crowds)
  • highly intuitive
  • need alone time
  • become overwhelmed in intimate relationships
  • are targets for energy vampires
  • become replenished in nature
  • have highly tuned senses
  • have huge hearts but sometimes give too much

Trying to sort out what feelings are mine and what are others’ is a little messy but it can be done with time and patience.  I all to often feel things that others around hold inside.  Usually, I can sense things those closest to me are feeling, without them even speaking to me.  And with strangers, it will manifest as an “I like them but…” or “There is just something I can’t put my finger on.”

If you feel like this, you may be taking on the energies of everything around you, including the world.  Who wants the weight of the world on their shoulders?  Not I!!!

I do not have a lot of information to offer because I am still in the midst of this journey.  I journal and blog to write out my thoughts and then try to identify what is actually mine.  This does help me to organize the chaos in my head.  Acknowledging that you are an Empath or just overly empathetic is also important so you can find your direction.

Talking to other Empaths is a great way to feel validated.  I can tell you that you are not alone in feeling these things.  There are so many of us sensitive feeling people out there.  In a harsh cold world, it can feel sad, hopeless and just plain shitty but know it is not!!!

Stop, breathe, and know it is okay.   We will work through all of these things together.  If you have any input to add, please message me.  I have included a link about Empath’s and how they unknowingly draw bad mojo and Narcissists to themselves.

Until next time.  You are not alone — J